Psycho Lady
by Numdenu
Summary: OneShot. Tishiya, a summoner, and her pet, named Pet, believe Tullia Domna is insane. They couldn't be more right. Set in Freeport, in EverQuest II. Gotta remember the two.


A spur o' the moment fanfic. What can I say? Enjoy!

I DO NOT OWN EQ2, GREEN DAY, OR THE LEGEND OF ZELDA! NO SUEING!

_Cows._

_Flying cows, black ones, with fangs that could pierce an orc's bone like a knife through butter. And with demonic wings sprouting from their backs. They were coming._

_Coming for her._

_They were almost upon her, when she heard one mutter in Halasian, "We come from Lavastorm..."_

"MISTRESS TISHIYA I ADVISE YOU WAKE UP RIGHT NOW I KILLED OFF ALL THE UNDEAD BATTLEPRIESTS AND THERE'S ABOUT 40 SILVER'S WORTH OF STUFF LYING AROUND AND THE LOOTING RESTRICTIONS WILL BE GONE IN 30 SECONDS!" a stone-colored scarab screeched in a slumbering half-elf's ear, waking her with a jolt. She groaned as she arose from her rest and looked wearily at the scarab.

Brushing her blood-red bangs out of her face, she moaned, "Pet, why must you be so hyper? I thought Tellurian Scarabs were calmer and less talkative...did you say 40 Silver's worth?" Her hand came to rest on her facial scar.

Pet nodded best as he could. "Better get a move on, Mistress."

Tishiya hastily jumped around from one corpse to another, desperately grabbing stuff, but as she was going for the last item, a Sorcerer scooped down and grabbed it smirking. "Sorry, little lady, this one's mine."

The half-elf was outraged. She swung her staff and pointed the tip at the sorcerer's face, mere centimeters from stabbing his eye out. "If that is so, then I propose a duel to the death!"

The sorcerer laughed. "Well, of course. Mind telling me who you are before I brutally slaughter you like crap? My name's Wizrobe."

"Tishiya." The summoner bowed.

"Well then," Wizrobe said, smirking, "Shall we begin?"

Tishiya gave her approval with a friendly Pelting Earth spell.

Wizrobe simply chuckled, and began chanting, but right before he could complete it, Pet flung itself right into his face, smothering him and making him unable to breathe. The constant nuking didn't help either. He struggled desperately to dislodge the Tellurian, and only succeeded after it stuck a lump of dirt up his nose, which was unpleasant.

Tishiya chuckled and released another Pelting Earth spell, and Wizrobe fell to the ground. She simply smiled to herself, claiming the "stolen" item. Pet, on the other hand, did a weird little "Tellurian Happy Dance" of sorts.

"Well, that was fun," Pet panted after it was done. "Shall we go to town?"

Tishiya was daydreaming again, however.

_My Shadow's the only one who walks beside me._

_My Shadow's the only thing that's heart is beating._

_Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me._

'_Till then, I walk alone..._

"WAKE UP MISTRESS TISHIYA THERE'S A NAMED RIGHT BEHIND YOU!" Pet screeched. Tishiya at once snapped out of her little world and spun around...to see nothing there. Upon realizing this, she turned a dark and sinister glare upon the scarab.

"Ehehehe..." Pet chuckled nervously. "Shall we head t-to Beggar's Court?"

"Why not?" Tishiya shrugged, beginning the teleportation spell. She leered back over her shoulder. "I'm only letting you off easy because I can't win without you, which is because of my class choice, plus if I summon another, it'll always be you. I guess we're cursed."

Pet stared blankly at its summoner, before the spell was completed, and the two were sent to Beggar's Court.

Once there, Tishiya felt like showing off, so she walked up to an old hag, a human at that. "Your name is...wait, wait, don't tell me...ah. You are Tullia Domna," Tishiya announced.

Tullia turned to face her, looking outraged. "How dare you give me some nonsense, made-up, nonsense name! I am Queen Antonia Bayle, ruler and protector of the UNIVERSE!"

Tishiya assumed a look similar to this: O.O

"Now, where is my public executioner?" Tullia boomed. Before Tishiya could utter another sound, she looked dangerously into the summoner's eyes. "Is that YOU?"

Tishiya glared at Tullia, and was about to speak before Tullia turned away, saying, "Good, good. Go slay five...or six Giantslayer Bashers and come back when you're DONE!"

"We need to go to the Sprawl anyway, Mistress Tishiya..." Pet reasoned. Tishiya sighed and led the way down to the docks. From there, they cut through several zones to the Sprawl.

Tishiya glanced over her journal. "Ok, we need Guttersnipe crooks and hooligans...Pet?" Tishiya looked around. "Pet, this isn't funny. Show yourself!"

Pet zoomed by her, followed by about twelve Guttersnipes.

"PET WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE?"

Pet was whizzing around frantically, trying to loose the train. It stopped to fight only after Tishiya let loose with storms of lightning.

Quite a while later, Tishiya fell over onto her back, exhausted from the continuous casting, plus at several points she had to rush in and engage in melee combat. Pet flopped down about two feet away from her. It had only about a sliver of health left.

After she had lain there for a little, Tishiya sat up and sighed. "What the hell were you thinking, Pet?"

Pet looked at her skeptically. "Oh, so now you say I can think?" It got up and crawled around aimlessly. "The great and mighty Tishiya says that her Tellurian Scarab can think, and it was so! Pshaw."

After a while, the scarab spoke again. "Shall we keep moving before they respawn?"

Tishiya hauled herself to her feet and nodded.

And so they trudged for about 22 yards before they came to the Giantslayers. Pet was about to rush in, but Tishiya held him back and instead use her spell repertoire to pull a single Basher out of the mass of other Bashers and, more importantly, away from those Giantslayers that weren't Bashers. Then Pet would taunt the Basher so it wouldn't attach the fragile Tishiya, and in this way they took down six, just to be sure.

"Well, we're about ready to wrap it up, aren't we?" Tishiya sighed.

Pet shook its head no best it could. "Wait, Mistress, I want to kill more. It's fun."

Tishiya sighed, and began chanting. She had to cancel the spell though, because Pet rushed in, pulling every Giantslayer left alive in there that wasn't gray.

"PET NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID!" Tishiya roared, letting loose with every spell at her disposal. Pet, though it would have been worse off if left on its own, was still faring badly.

The two, Summoner and Scarab, fought valiantly against a good-sized train. With only a little bit of health left, Pet yelled at Tishiya, "Run! Get away! I can't last much longer!"

"B-but..." Tishiya stammered.

"GO!"

Tishiya sighed to herself and nodded, sprinting off for the nearest zone. She could hear the cracking of stone, as it sounded like, as Pet was left to its fate.

The Giantslayers eagerly began to chase down the lone Summoner, but she was far ahead, thankfully. However, in her path, several Guttersnipes had respawned, and sensing that she was weakened, eagerly pursued, adding to the train.

Tishiya could see it ahead: the gate into the Ruins. On the other side was the safety she needed. The Guttersnipes and the Giantslayers tirelessly pursued, and almost surrounded her, but the distraction provided by a member of the Freeport Militia allowed her to slip through the gate to sanctuary.

On the other side, Tishiya breathlessly collapsed in a heap, and as soon as she could, stood and began chanting. Upon the completion of the spell, the earth in front of her began to take shape into none other than Pet.

Pet shook itself off. "Well, that was unpleasant."

"Have you learned your lesson?" Tishiya half moaned, half scolded.

"No," the earthen scarab replied simply.

"Whatever. Let's just get back to that crazy lady." Tishiya activated the teleportation spell, and once again, she and Pet were in Beggar's court.

At length, they found Tullia again, and informed her of the death of five...six Giantslayer Bashers.

"Ah, good!" Tullia squealed. "For your service I shall have to knight you!"

Tishiya backed away slowly...then decided to just plain turn tail. Pet followed suit.

They stopped at the docks, sat down, and stared at the swirling water, relieved to get away from that freaky lady...until they heard her running after them. Pet silently cursed the gods.

"Sunken City?" Tishiya asked.

"Sunken City," Pet confirmed.

And so summoner and scarab sailed off to the Commonlands to elude the grasp of the psychotic lady.

In case you couldn't tell, the story was set around Freeport, the bad guy's city. Tishiya is my actual character, and Pet is her actual Tellurian Scarab. Sure, others have probably used the name "Pet", but Tishiya, for all purposes, is my character.

Review!

P.S. - Who can guess the Legend of Zelda reference in this chapter?


End file.
